Responding to Sexual Assault

sexual assalt2Genesis 34

Sexual abuse is a scourge in our land.  I wanted to look up statistics but quite frankly they couldn’t sicken me any more than what I already know.  I’ve talked to real people… not statistics. I’ve listened to Janine and witness her grief over the abuse she suffered as a child.  I’ve had a foster child in my home that dealt with such issues… the outcome was not good.  I’m tired of the excuses. I’m tired of the rationalization.  It has to stop. And it will not stop until it ceases to be tolerated.

When this evil, that seems to bring more shame upon its victim than its perpetrator, finds its way into your life… into the life of your family… into the life of a friend… What do you do? How do you handle it?

What does the Bible have to say about sexual assault?

A lot… actually.

Though it isn’t talked about in church or preached about from the pulpit much… and passages like Genesis 34 are often skipped over… we need to make a declaration as believers in Jesus… that sexual assault has to stop! We need to take a stand… and that stand is beside the victims of sexual assault.

Today’s passage gives us some clues as to how sexual assault is frequently handled… then and now.

In our text today… nobody handles it well.

Jacob’s Response: Apathy

Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter; but his sons were with his livestock in the field, so Jacob kept silent until they came in.

Where is his outrage? Where is Jacob’s pain in hearing of his daughter’s rape? Many think that the assailant kept Dinah in his tent until the matter was settled. But we don’t know that. For all we know, she wept in Jacob’s tent… while Jacob remained silent.

There are many like Jacob today. They don’t seek justice… they seek maintaining status quo. If they aren’t careful they actually make the victims feel responsible. Here Jacob has a sobbing, broken daughter… and HE DOESN’T SAY A WORD.

Hamor the father of Shechem: Appeasement

But Hamor spoke with them, saying, “The soul of my son Shechem longs for your daughter; please give her to him in marriage. Intermarry with us; give your daughters to us and take our daughters for yourselves. 10 Thus you shall live with us, and the land shall be open before you; live and trade in it and acquire property in it.” 

Hamor is saying:  “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Can’t you see my son loves her? This could open up something good for the both of us. We could inter-marry and create better commerce. Let’s make the most of this “situation.” (In verse 23… we see that there is even some deception going on. Hamor says there: “will not their livestock and their property be ours?”)

There are those that take the appeasement approach today.

In a small town in NJ no one said much about an incident of sexual abuse of new football recruits until the administration cancelled the football season… and then folks got vocal. A campaign in school was underway to “scope out the snitches.” What’s the big deal? Let them file their report and then let us get on with the business of football.  Or they attempt to open up a checkbook. And make the problem going away.  And when we make these “little deals” to expunge the guilt… the victim feels deeper pain.

3.    Simeon and Levi’s Response: Vengeance

13 But Jacob’s sons answered Shechem and his father Hamor with deceit, because he had defiled Dinah their sister. 14 They said to them, “We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a disgrace to us. 15 Only on this condition will we consent to you: if you will become like us, in that every male of you be circumcised, 16 then we will give our daughters to you, and we will take your daughters for ourselves, and we will live with you and become one people. 17 But if you will not listen to us to be circumcised, then we will take our daughter and go.”

Dad wouldn’t take the lead. He wouldn’t take the high ground. He would barely speak about it. And then sought to bargain a solution. So Dinah’s brothers begin to smolder with anger.

Interestingly enough they are referred to, not as “Dinah’s brothers” in the passage but “Jacob’s sons.” Perhaps because they were about to pull off a deception worthy of their dad.

It is easy to be caught up in that kind of rage! To want to seek revenge! But revenge is not the way. For at least two reasons.

Revenge hurts lots of innocents.

25 Now it came about on the third day, when they were in pain, that two of Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each took his sword and came upon the city unawares, and killed every male. 26 They killed Hamor and his son Shechem with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah from Shechem’s house, and went forth. 27 Jacob’s sons came upon the slain and looted the city, because they had defiled their sister. 28 They took their flocks and their herds and their donkeys, and that which was in the city and that which was in the field; 29 and they captured and looted all their wealth and all their little ones and their wives, even all that was in the houses.

Rage affects more than the person your rage against.  It affects their family, your family… your co-workers. Once you cross that line… it poisons your soul.  They want to kill Hamor and his son.  But they ended up killing every male in the town.  And then pillaging the poor helpless widows that were left.  And then they take the wives and children.  So much pain and suffering… and a lot of pain to innocent people.

Revenge begets revenge.

30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me by making me odious among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and my men being few in number, they will gather together against me and attack me and I will be destroyed, I and my household.” 31 But they said, “Should he treat our sister as a harlot?”

The revenge you enact doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Your act of hatred… begets a response… and on and on it goes.

Well, What from Scripture is a Godly response to sexual assault?

  1. Seek Justice.

Proverbs 21:15

15 The exercise of justice is joy for the righteous, but is terror to the workers of iniquity.

Psalm 103:6
The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

Our God is a God of justice. His children seek that justice is served when men and women and children suffer at the hands of abusers.

  1. Don’t Seek Personal Vengeance.

Romans 12:14-21

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. but if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

I will not pretend that this is easy or automatic… but it is our calling.

3.  Seek to Forgive.

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

We know that the way to healing is to forgive.  Have that as your goal… but let it be a genuine forgiveness after you have mourned the loss… and have begun to heal.

4.  Seek to be Comforted and to Comfort others.

2 Corinthians 2:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

5.  Trust the Avenger.

“One sin isn’t greater than another.” Have you heard that before?  The Scripture does not teach that. The Scriptures teaches that one sin is enough to keep you out of God’s presence.  And that you need Jesus’ sacrifice to be forgiven on ANY sin.   But one sin doesn’t affect a victim the same way it does another.  And sexual sin angers a Holy God in a different way than others sins do.

1 Thessalonians 4

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; [that refers to sexual purity] and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter [that refers to sexual abuse] because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Allow the authorities to punish your offender, but if they don’t… know that they do not just “get away with it”… the Lord is the avenger in such matters.  He will ultimately get you the justice you deserve.

There are so many responses to sexual abuse today that fall short.  My prayer is that we can stand beside Dinahs among us and help them begin to find healing.

Blessings!

P.S.  >Listen to a sermon on this topic here

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2 thoughts on “Responding to Sexual Assault

  1. Thank you, Wayne. You probably don’t remember me, we met in a different lifetime, through our mutual friend, Pete Tackett. This message meant a lot to me, because it is true, and I have lived it. As a teen, I was abused by a family friend – for years – and it affected me for more than 30 years of my life (and probably does today as well). When my abuser died, I didn’t feel a thing. No sorrow over a lost soul. No anger. No relief. No remorse. Not even an emptiness.
    Even after more than 45 years of marriage to a wonderful, loving, understanding wife. I still sometimes feel twinges of guilt/hurt being intimate with her. You are the first one I have written to about this, but I can empathize with anyone who has gone through this. Especially when I am attacked by thoughtless people. I regress to that little lost boy, being taken advantage of, secretly and deeply crying out for someone to rescue me.
    I have learned that abuse; sexual, spousal, ANY abuse deals with power and control. It never is about sex, or listening, or being… something.
    I pray daily for those going through this, and encourage all I talk to that there really IS a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is Jesus! And He is the Only Light. Trying to do this on your own is only Darkness… and brings more darkness.

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  2. David,
    I am so glad that this short blog post spoke to you in a personal way. This is condensed from a sermon I preached last year at a time when I was struggling. I was hearing story after story of victims being told to “just forgive” and to “get over it.” I also read of a few stories of bribery being used to try to hush up accusations. It was revulsive to me.
    I was preaching through the life of Jacob and came to this chapter and refused to pass it by. So sorry to hear about the pain you have had to live through and am glad that my words could help in any way. My wife was abused as a child horribly and only found the light through Christ as well.
    Blessings on your journey and know that I am praying for you.
    Wayne

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